Stop Fooling Yourself: The Lies That Anxiety Tells You

If you just worry enough, then you’ll be able to prevent anything bad from happening. You’re not allowed to ever make any mistakes. And you aren’t strong enough to get through hard times.

…April Fools!

Obviously, none of the above statements are true. But if you live with anxiety, these are the types of “April Fools’ pranks” that anxiety likes to pull — not only on April 1st, but every day. But these aren’t just harmless jokes. When you start to believe these lies, you can get locked in a vicious cycle that’s hard to get out of. And there’s nothing funny about that.

Here are some of the biggest lies that anxiety tells you. Can you recognize when anxiety is lying to you?

Lie # 1

Worrying protects me

One of the biggest lies that anxiety tells us is that if we just worry enough, then we’re protected from all future risks and dangers. For example, imagine feeling anxious about an important exam you have tomorrow. You’re prepared for it; you’ve spent a good amount of time studying. But you can’t seem to stop worrying about it anyway.

Especially if you live with anxiety, it might feel odd, or even wrong, to simply stop worrying about it. Anxiety lies, and convinces you that ruminating on your fears will somehow protect you from what you’re afraid of: in this case, failing the exam. Worrying gives us a sense of control over an unpredictable future. That’s why it might be so hard to let the worries go, even right before the exam when there’s nothing you can do to prepare yourself further.

In reality, worrying usually doesn’t change the future. But in some cases, worrying might even have a negative impact on the future; for example, if you stay up at night worrying, and take your exam without getting enough sleep, you might actually fail. It’s a hard skill to practice, but try to recognize that worrying doesn’t prevent bad things from happening.

Lie # 2

People are judging me

Another lie anxiety tells you is that the people around you are judging you. This lie is tricky because maybe, on a few occasions, it’s been true. Almost all of us have been judged by somebody at some point or another — sometimes for no reason at all. There’s no doubt that there are some judgmental people in the world.

But anxiety takes it a step further. It might tell you that everyone is judging you. You might become afraid to live life on your terms or express yourself in the ways you want because you’re afraid that people are going to judge you for being you.

The truth is that most people are too worried about themselves to have the energy to examine and judge your life choices. And you might be surprised to find that the people who truly love you just want you to be happy, no matter what decisions you make. All you can do is be yourself.

Lie # 3

I’m not allowed to make mistakes

Anxiety may try to convince you that you need to be perfect — that you’re not allowed to make mistakes. This is a blatant lie — and an extremely harmful one at that. 

When anxiety tells you that you aren’t allowed to make mistakes, then you become a perfectionist. And although perfectionism is praised in certain settings (like work), it can actually be really really harmful to your overall health. When you worry too much about being perfect, your stress levels may rise — which can make your anxiety even worse.

Every human makes mistakes, and you’re allowed to make mistakes, too. All we can do is try not to hurt other people, and apologize when we do.

Lie # 4

I can’t do it

Another complex lie that anxiety tells you can be summed up in one word: “can’t.” Anxiety might tell you that you can’t do the thing that you really want to do (because you aren’t good enough, or because people will judge you, or any number of other reasons).

Anxiety might also tell you that you can’t survive a difficult situation. For example, after a terrible break-up, anxiety might whisper: “You aren’t going to be okay. You can’t do this. You’re not strong enough.”

Try to recognize when anxiety is telling you this lie. Of course, there are some things we really can’t do — and it’s valuable to be realistic about that. But can you separate anxiety’s lies from reality?

Lie # 5

I’m not good enough

Finally, this may be the biggest lie of all: that you’re not good enough. When you live with anxiety, it’s hard not to worry about everything. Often, people with anxiety even worry about their very existence; whether they’re worthwhile or “good enough” as a human being. Does this sound familiar?

This is a lie that anxiety tells you.

I tell my clients all the time: You are inherently worthy. That means that from the moment you were born, you were already good enough. You are a child of God, and you don’t need to be perfect to “prove” that you’re enough. 

Do the above lies sound familiar to you? If you think you might have anxiety, take my free 3-minute anxiety screening or the “How Stressed Are You?” quiz.