Back-to-School Anxiety: Tips for Parents

The first school day of the year is a happy occasion for some kids. But for others, it's cause for fear and anxiety.

Summer is coming to an end, and families are preparing to send their children back to school. The first school day of the year is a happy occasion for some kids. But for others, it's cause for fear and anxiety.

There are lots of reasons why kids could have back-to-school anxiety. For some, it's about not wanting to be away from their parents. Others could be fearful of change or have generalized anxiety.

If your child's anxiety is severe, they may need to see a therapist. But there are also many things that you can do as a parent to help your child cope with their anxiety and have a successful school year.

Be prepared

You can increase the chances of a smooth back-to-school transition by making sure that your child is prepared and has everything they need to succeed. You don’t need to warn them about the return to school every day throughout their summer break -- this might actually increase their anxiety -- but do consider beginning the preparation period a couple of weeks before their first day back.

You can prepare your child for back-to-school by resuming routines that you keep during the school year. For example, set bedtimes for when they’ll need to be going to sleep when they return to school. Start practicing morning routines (like brushing their teeth and putting on school clothes). 

Anything that helps your child get back into the habit of going to school every day should be helpful.

Acknowledge your own anxiety

It’s not just kids who are affected by back-to-school anxiety -- it’s common for parents to get anxious at this time of year, too. When adults don’t acknowledge and deal with their own emotions, they’re more likely to affect their kids. This is true for any emotion, including back-to-school anxiety.

Take stock of how you’re feeling as you prepare to send your little one back to school. With everything going on in the world, it’s normal for parents to have anxiety about that. Are you able to identify and acknowledge that anxiety? And what are some healthy ways you can confront your own anxiety?

Reconnect with school friends

Kids in some communities may live close enough to have gotten together regularly throughout the summer break. But other kids may not have seen their classmates for several months. This can increase their anxiety about going back to school. 

Take them on playdates with friends from school (or, if your child is in middle or high school, encourage them to reach out to their friends). Social relationships are often one of the best parts of school for kids, and reminding them that they have friends waiting for them may help them focus on the positive.

If your child is new to their school, look for ways to connect them with future classmates, or their teacher, before their first day so there are familiar faces around when they start school.

Identify support people

If your child has already exhibited signs of separation anxiety before, then returning to school -- especially the first few days of the year -- might be especially rough. The good news is that if you know this already, you can make a plan for how you, your child, and the school are going to deal with those first tearful morning drop-offs.

Identify supportive people on campus who can help your child feel safe. Perhaps it’s the school counselor (school counselors have extensive experience helping kids with separation anxiety, and it’s likely that your child won’t be the only student having a hard time on the first day of school). Support people can also be the principal, a former or current teacher, or even an older family member (like a sibling or a cousin) who goes to the same school.

Make a plan, and reach out to these people before the first day back and ask for their support. For example, you might ask the school counselor to meet your child at the campus entrance for the hand-off.

Listen, validate, and explore

As silly as they may seem to you at times, never brush your child’s feelings off or invalidate them. Whether or not it makes sense to you, your child has a reason for feeling the way they do. 

An example of an invalidating statement is, “There’s nothing to be anxious about. It’s just school.” This is like telling someone with a fear of spiders, “There’s nothing to be afraid of. It’s just a spider.” It may seem like “nothing” to you, but for your child, it could be terrifying.

Instead, validate your child’s feelings. This doesn’t mean that you need to agree that they should be anxious about school. It just means that you can let them know that you hear what they’re saying, and that their feelings are valid.

You can also explore more deeply what’s going on -- don’t assume you know why your child feels anxious. What is making them feel this way? Is it separation anxiety, or is there something in particular (like a bully) that they’re afraid of at school? 

Help your child with emotional expression

Sometimes, kids don’t have the vocabulary to be able to verbally express how they’re feeling. This can make it more challenging for them to cope with their feelings. When kids are able to name their feelings, and express them in healthy ways, those feelings start to feel a lot less scary.

For example, your child might notice that they feel sick to their stomach every time they think about going back to school. If they don’t explore this feeling, they might start feeling very frightened of the feeling itself. All they know is that thinking about school makes their stomach hurt. So they refuse to go to school altogether.

You can help your child connect the stomachache to the emotion of “worry,” explore why they might be feeling this way, and find healthy ways to cope. These are all critical social-emotional skills, and can help your child realize that their anxiety about school could be irrational.

Ari Meets Her Feelings is a children's book and (and accompanying activity journal) made especially to help kids learn about their feelings. Reading this book together can help your child learn to name their back-to-school anxiety and tackle it head-on.

Download Ari Meets Her Feelings for your child before the school year begins!